While my peers in this iTest program are excitedly unboxing their new toys, I’m sitting here flirting with my one-year-old Xbox 360, trying to sweet talk it into performing tasks it normally doesn’t get asked to do.

You see, I didn’t get a new gadget like Typical Ben, Nicholas and Lao Zha Bor did. I had been challenged, instead, to use my Xbox 360 for purposes other than gaming.

So I tried to get it to make me breakfast this morning.

It refused.

I thought, fine, maybe it’s not the culinary sort. So I asked it, ever so sweetly, whether it would, perhaps, make the bed.

No.

How about just pat the quilt down after I’m done making the bed? It’s very easy, hardly any trouble.

No.

Pretty please?

No.

I thought it was worth a try, anyway. In life, you should always give everything a try. You never know, you know? And trying is free.

Then, my Xbox 360 said to me, “You’re a dodo bird.”

“Wha—” I said.

If my Xbox 360 had eyes, it would have rolled them. It said, “You’re a bad owner. You only use me for gaming. I’m sick and tired of games!"

“But,” I asked, “What would you like to do?”

“Um…,” it started tentatively. “I want to listen to music.”

“What are you talking about? All our games have music. You’re getting music every day. How about Tales of Vesperia? There’s some beautiful music in there.”

“I don’t want game music!” It burst out. “I want… uh… jazz! How about some Michael Bublé, for starters?”

“You’re a gaming console! You’re made to process the most awesome games ever and you want… you want to play Michael Bublé??!”

My Xbox 360 tried to sulk but it was lacking a few facial muscles.

Worried that it might short circuit itself, I conceded defeat. “Okay, fine. I'll give you Michael Bublé. Would you like some champagne to go along with your jazz?”

"Don't be silly. Consoles can't drink champagne."

So, I shall give the silly thing its jazz. Also, because I enjoy a challenge, I shall, in the next nine days, find fun things to do with my Xbox 360 that doesn’t involve gaming.

“And I want to be called Aristotle.”

“What??”

“Yes, stop calling me ‘it’ or ‘the Xbox 360’. I want a name.”

“Okay, okay, how about a nice, friendly name like Tommy?”

“Aristotle. Like that famous philosopher.”

"I can't call you that! All my friends will think I'm weird."

"Aristotle."

“Fine, fine! … Aristotle.”

I suppose it couldn't hurt to humour your possessions occasionally.

Maybe when he gets really happy, he’ll make me breakfast.